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Top Funny, Witty Fantasy Football Team Names

Last year, my list of fantasy football team names was a hit, and don’t worry, there’s more this year. Read, laugh, and enjoy.

Hernandez Pistol Offense, Boston Tebow Party, Brady’s Bunch, Forgetting Brandon Marshall, and Kaep’n Crunch are just a few of the names that made my cut in 2013. This season, I’ve brought my A-game once again, and here’s a few team names that might be perfect: (All stats are reflective of last year).

It’s a Man-Thing: Fantasy football isn’t just a man-thing anymore. A lot of women actually play today. And if you draft Peyton Manning, I’m sure you will score a lot of points. (5,477 yards, and 55 touchdowns in 2013). 

The Real Shady McCoy: LeSean McCoy’s numbers may suggest he’s better than the real Slim Shady. Your call, Eminem. (1,607 yards, and nine touchdowns).

It’s a ‘Brees': Draft the New Orleans quarterback, and ‘Brees’ to the fantasy title. (5,162 yards and 39 touchdowns).

Scam Newton: Cam wasn’t a scam last year after throwing for 3,379 yards, and 24 scores. Oh, and he ran for 585 yards and six touchdowns. It may get tougher for Newton this year; his top wideout (Steve Smith) went to Baltimore, and he now has Jerricho Cotchery and Kelvin Benjamin.

Cry Me a Rivers: Don’t come crying to me if Phillip Rivers doesn’t end up your team. This is your warning. (4,478 touchdowns and 32 touchdowns last year).

Frank Gore for Vice President: Any relation to Al Gore? Doubt it, but it was worth asking. (1,128 yards and nine scores).

Get ‘Lucky': The former Stanford standout will be all the Luck you’ll need to take home a title. (3,822 yards and 23 touchdowns).

Jay Cutler-ly: Cutler has plenty of utensils to dissect opposing defenses in 2014. Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffry, Santonio Holmes, Martellus Bennett, and Matt Forte. (2,621 yard and 19 scores).

Skittles, Taste the Rainbow: Marshawn Lynch scores touchdowns, and that means Skittles for your fantasy team. (1,257 yards and 12 touchdowns).

Megatron: There has been four “Transformers” movies and Calvin “Megatron” Johnson isn’t in any of them. Something is fishy, Hollywood. (1,492 yards and 12 scores).

Dez is the new Pez: Remember Pez candy? It was about as awesome as Dez Bryant’s game. (1,233 yards and 13 touchdowns).

Double Decker Touchdowns: He doesn’t have Peyton throwing to him anymore, but still the name sounds sweet. (1,288 yards and 11 scores).

We are Marshall: It’s a solid movie remembering Marshall’s football team, and a great pick for your team if you draft the Chicago Bears wideout. (1,295 yards and 12 touchdowns).

Texas Toast, or Houston We Have a Problem: This one is for defensive leagues. Good luck to opposing offenses that have to defend J.J. Watt, and Jadeveon Clowney.

Stacy’s Mom has it Going On: This is a great 1990’s music hit, and it’s even better in St. Louis, where Zac Stacy is the man. (973 yards and seven scores).

Teach me how to Dougie: If you know me, I love to dougie. So, I like this name. It’s a classic, and I have to ask, who dougied first? Martin, or Cali Swag District. Two words: dougie off. (456 yards and a score before a season-ending injury last year).

Percy Shows No Mercy: Can Percy Harvin stay healthy? If he can, I’m sure Percy won’t give defenses much mercy. (Shined in the Super Bowl, made one catch for 17 yards in the regular season).

Special Rookie Edition – 

Johnny Football, John Football, Johnny Cleveland, Johnny Dawg Pound: Give me a reason not to name my team this.

Teddy Bear, or Teddy Bridge ‘Over’ Water’: I-35 W is one of the main bridges in Minneapolis and Teddy Bridgewater might be the bridge to the Minnesota Vikings future.

Poppin’ Bortles: Lil Wayne pops bottles, and who knows, after last week’s second preseason game, Blake Bortles might be worth a shot in dynasty leagues. Chad Henne is likely to start the year in Jacksonville.

Cooks a lot of Points: Brandin Cooks out of Oregon State is my fantasy sleeper this year, and this speedy wideout is a perfect new weapon for Brees.

Oldie, but Goodie – 

Favre Dollar Footlong: The Green Bay Packers are electing him into their Hall of Fame next year. In his honor, let’s remember Favre’s legendary career in the NFL with this hilarious team name.

I have jokes, and bad puns. I hope I have helped you select a team name. Best wishes to a  successful fantasy season and title in the near future.

*For comments and story ideas, email Sam at tastadsam@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @samtastad.

Andrew Luck #12 of the Indianapolis Colts
Patrick McDermott/Getty Images

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